I met Andy my freshman year of high school. Months into dating, I knew he was the one. We spent every free moment we had together. On nights his dad wouldn’t let him see me, we talked on the phone until my sister would threaten my life if I didn’t hang up and let her go to sleep. We dated for several years and I couldn’t wait to start our lives together. We were inseparable even after years of dating. After 7 years, Andy FINALLY proposed. We were over the moon happy and we couldn’t wait to get married! But I quickly learned that not everyone had the same views on marriage…
See, what happens when you acquire a ring on that finger is, everyone begins giving you unsolicited advice. Some of it is good, some of it is bad, and some is just downright rude. Everyone has an opinion or some divorce story they feel would save you from making their same mistake. So many condescending “How old are you?”s and “are you sure?”s BUT also some genuine well wishes.
There’s the typical stuff you hear and probably know, like never go to bed angry and never stop dating. And the sincere “I am SO happy for you”s that come from your close friends. For what it’s worth, there is a lot of truth to not going to sleep angry and I whole heartedly agree that you should never stop dating your spouse.
But, there’s a few things No one tells you about getting married.
- For me, not a lot changed. But changing my name was difficult. I went to the DMV a few weeks after getting married to officially become Mrs. Fogle. I filled out the necessary paper work, took my picture and sat waiting for my name to be called. I’m minding my own business as they continue calling Mrs. Fogle to come to the counter. The man at the counter actually had to remind me that I was Mrs. Fogle and that I should probably come grab my new ID. (so embarrassing)I had spent the last 24 years of my life as Brittany Osmanski and I felt a deep sadness letting go of that. I was an Osmanski girl and as much as becoming Andy’s wife made me very happy, I was also really sad to lose a part of my identity. Brittany Fogle felt so very foreign to me and I wondered if I’d ever get used to hearing it. Several months later, I still don’t feel good about my signature, but I’m finally able to answer that my last name is Fogle without stuttering. I never thought very much about how much I would be affected by this! My last name may be Fogle but I’ll always be an Osmanski Girl.
- EVERYONE IS GOING TO ASK YOU IF YOU ARE PREGNANT. Somehow every conversation leads to pregnancy following getting married. Everyone wants to know when you are going to have a baby. My very first day back to work after our honeymoon, my coworker very loudly said, “Now don’t go getting pregnant on us, for at least a year.” The whole office heard and I was really embarrassed. If that would have been the worst time, I would have been thankful.Almost every congratulations was followed by some comment about when we should or shouldn’t have a baby. I could not believe that people were so bold as to think it was appropriate behavior. I could yawn in the middle of talking and say sorry, “I’m just so tired, I need another cup of coffee” and my coworkers would say “are you sure you aren’t pregnant?” The problem with everyone wanting to know when you are having a baby is that not everyone WANTS you to have a baby. Per usual, everyone has some advice about when you should or shouldn’t be having children and most of it won’t be welcomed.
If you are reading this, and you are guilty of asking another woman if she is pregnant- I hate you. Kidding- But really STOP ASKING OTHER WOMEN IF THEY ARE PREGNANT. It is so rude! Whether we plan to have a baby tomorrow, in two years, or never… is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!
For any of you reading this that are dealing with the same thing, I’m creating a list of sassy comebacks! If you all need any suggestions, I’ll be more than glad to share.
- Mostly everything is the same, except you have a new name and a new piece of paper stating that you’re husband and wife. I’ve always dreamt of getting married. I was 100% the little girl who dreamt of wearing the princess gown and marrying prince charming and living happily ever after in a pink house. You see, everyone says that things change when you get married. That was one of the pieces of advice, or warnings rather, that I received quite often. But for me, not much did. I never believed it would anyway. I remember thinking, why would I want anything to change? I guess in my mind we were already married anyway. Andy and I had been dating for 9 years at the time we got married. We lived together for 5 of those years and we were already splitting bills and sharing gas money. We shared hopes and struggles and we laughed a lot too. He still gives me butterflies. And I still think about him when all the love songs play on the radio. I had always dreamt of living happily ever after with the man of my dreams and I was already doing that. But who doesn’t love a good party to celebrate – so we did. Our wedding was the icing on the cake.
The only thing that really changed was how other people saw us. We had earned a marriage license and made vows official for the promises we’d already shared, but our relationship did not change. I did not Change. Andy did not change. Having it made official that I was now Andy’s Wife and we were going to be together forever forced others to accept that. We were no longer just dating. We became husband and wife – and that meant in one day’s time, we transformed into the real deal. Because obviously we weren’t before…
Everyone’s relationship with their spouse is different. However, I’ve found that much like everything else in this world, no one knows what the hell they are doing. Andy and I included. What I do know is that we want to be together. We both have an understanding of how to work together to make our partnership work. Because Marriage is hard work but it’s so worth it.
Every day I come home to my best friend on the planet. Our life isn’t perfect but it’s so full of love and I am so thankful to call Andy my Husband.